: Making Wine

Ingredients:

Alright! Let's make wine and get trashed.

#1 Rule of Home Wine-Making...
 NEVER, NEVER, EVER drink your own wine. It's tastes like shit and it's a recipe for the biggest hangover you'll ever endure.

#2 Rule of Home Wine-Making...
 Make sure your friends drink lots...

For the first step to catastrophous hangovers we will need 100 percent fruit juice, now, you can either buy fruit (such as grapes, apples etc) and squeeze all the juice out into a container or you can just purchase a can of 100% Juice and use that. I'm thinking for your first home-made wine excursion you should use a can of Juice, it's clean, quick and easy. After you're more experienced, EXPERIMENT!! Guavas and Pineapples work well. Throw your juice in the freezer and freeze it. Yes...FREEZE IT!

Next up you'll need sugar, nothing special just regular sugar. You're going to need about 2 cups per gallon. (Important Part: The more sugar you use the higher the alcohol content will be, but if you use too much then it will screw up and you'll have to pitch the whole lot in the trash.)

Now you're gonna need yeast, now there are several kinds of yeast and the kind you want for best results is called Brewer's Yeast, but if you can't find it or you don't want to buy it in bulk you might be better off just using regular baking yeast, it should work exactly the same, but, of course it'll taste different. The type of yeast you choose will not have effect on the alcohol content just taste, so you can all relax, it's still going to get you trashed.

Last of all you'll need a container, this is probably the hardest part of the whole procedure. You need a container that is air tight but it has to let air out, BUT NOT IN (figure that one out by yourselves). No? Ok, ok...Here's the secret...The best way to do this is use a container with a lid (such as a 2L (gallon) milk container), preferably a screw-on lid at that. Then drill a hole in the lid and put a piece of hose in the hole. Make sure the hose is firm in the hole and there are no gaps around it to let any air out. Then throw that hose in a container of water, by doing this you allow air to escape the jar but not get in. GENIUS!

Ok...Now for the DIRECTIONS.

First semi-thaw the frozen juice and put the mushy half-frozen juice in the hi-tech top secret container you've created, then add the proper amount of sugar (2 cups per gallon or so) depending on how much you are making and mix it all in well.

Dissolve the yeast in a cup of lukewarm water...I SAID LUKEWARM!!...Too hot and you'll kill the active ingredient in the yeast which causes the fermentation (the good thing that makes the alcohol). Then make sure to put your air tight lid on and keep the hose in water the whole time, that is important!!!

Now...Let it sit for about 2-3 weeks, this varies with how much you're making but 3 weeks sounds good, the more you make the more time it takes, simple! Smell the air bubbles occasionally to see if it starts to smells like alcohol...If it does...Your in business and your concoction is ready....IMPORTANT! You gotta wait till theres NO MORE BUBBLES and
fermentation is complete...if you bottle your wine while fermentation is still going the pressure in the bottle will cause the bottle to...yes....EXPLODE. That's not good, and it might get you trashed, but not in the way we want. Good-o...Your wine is done...Strain it well and then pour it into corkable bottles, cork it up, rest them on their sides, for maybe a month...or a day, however long you can stand it before you need to crack one open and try your latest brew.

ENJOY!